Guy Talk
by Pepsi Dragon
Summary: The guys are all sitting in the park chatting 'bout girls...funny! Sasuke declares...what! A cool ONE SHOT!


Guy Talk 

Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, Shino, Neji, Lee and Gaara were sitting in the park, on a slightly cloudy, but sunny day, boring the shit out of each other.

Naruto, Kiba, Lee and Gaara were positioned comfortably on the swings, whilst Shikamaru and Chouji sat lazily under the shade of a large tree.

Shino was actually on the tree, high up amongst the branches playing with bugs and Sasuke and Neji were sitting far away from each other on a wooden bench.

"Hey Kiba! I can swing way higher than you!" Naruto screamed, revving his swing up and down.

"Whatever Uzumaki…Whatever!" Kiba screamed back swinging furiously, with Akamaru's tongue wiggling freely in the wind from his jacket, with Akamaru safely tucked in his jacket.

"I can swing even higher!" Lee chirped, his muscular, streamlined body allowing him to fly much higher than the other two.

"Hn…" Gaara mumbled, easily making his sand lift his swing way above the swing's frame.

"No fair!" Naruto protested, pointing at the thick layer of floating sand, "That's cheating!"

Shikamaru was staring up at the clouds carelessly, whilst Chouji munched crisps noisily beside him.

"Hey, Shikamaru…" He mumbled with his mouth full, "Why don't you show em how high you can go?"

"That's just so troublesome." Shikamaru frankly replied.

"Why am I here?" Sasuke angrily asked no one in particular, "I hate the park."

Neji turned to look at the frowning Sasuke, "Fate has brought you here."

"Fate? Hn…" Sasuke smirked, "Fate doesn't exist…you make your own destiny…"

"No. It's all written down…you can't change it." Neji said angrily.

The boys on the swings stop trying to outdo each other and settled to gently swinging as they watched Neji and Sasuke intently.

"If fate truly exists…then why don't you predict my future…huh?" Sasuke said cheekily.

Neji crossed his arms and stared at Sasuke calmly, even Chouji had stopped munching to hear what Neji had to say.

"Uchiha Sasuke…your fate tells me that…" Neji narrowed his eyes, before continuing to speak, "…you will end up marrying the woman you most dislike…you will live life miserably…because you want it to be that way…you-"

"Bullshit…" Sasuke mumbled bitterly, "…I dislike many women."

"Yeah…but don't you hate Sakura the most?" Kiba asked with a grin on his face and Akamaru barked in agreement with his owner.

"Hn…why would I marry Sakura?" Sasuke said closing his eyes in a most 'cool guy who doesn't give a damn' manner.

"Sakura's a beautiful specimen of womanhood!" Lee called out angrily, "I would be honoured if fate said I were to be her husband!"

Naruto watched Lee's big round eyes stare dreamily into the sky as he spoke.

"Yeah…what's wrong with Sakura-chan, Sasuke?" Naruto questioned, "She's a really nice girl."

"Women are troublesome…" Shikamaru said calmly, "…even talking about them is-"

"You think everything is troublesome…" Gaara muttered darkly, "…is your existence troublesome too?"

"I think Ino is nice…" Chouji suddenly said between mouthfuls, "…She just needs to put on a bit of weight…"

"Hmm…Yes I suppose…" Shikamaru mumbled, agreeing with his close friend and still staring at the clouds, imagining one was Ino shaped.

"Hinata would be a perfect wife…" Shino said from amongst the leaves, "…She's kind and thoughtful…my bugs like her…"

Kiba laughed loudly, "She's quiet…sometimes a bit too quiet though…Hmm…but I wonder what she'd be like when you kiss her?"

"I'm gonna kiss Sakura-chan one day!" Naruto announced, the same way he does when he's telling the world he's going to be hokage one day.

"I'll get there before you!" Lee said, running his finger over his own lips, "…Oh how sweet she'll taste!"

"Hmm…you're making me hungry…" Chouji mumbled.

"Kiss, eh?" Shikamaru said dreamily, "It wouldn't be too troublesome to kiss Temari…"

A large hand made out of sand suddenly wrapped itself around Shikamaru's throat.

"Don't even think about it." Gaara warned, "…My sister is off limits…"

"Jeez…" Shikamaru grumbled as the sand retracted back towards Gaara, "I told you talking about women was troublesome."

Gaara suddenly sighed sadly, "I wish I had a woman to kiss…"

Neji looked pitifully at Gaara who was trying to mould his sand into a woman shape.

"…I see that you truly want to be loved…" Neji said, glancing at the tattoo on Gaara's forehead, "…don't worry…I see that a wonderful woman will find you one day…and you will then be happily married."

Gaara smiled weakly until Sasuke spoke, "Pur-lease! Like anyone believes all this shit that you're saying…"

Gaara was about to crush Sasuke with his sand, when Neji dived on him first, attempting to punch his lights out.

"Hey! Hey!" Naruto screamed running up to stop the fight, "Neji you go sit on the swing okay? I'll sit next to this loser…"

"Who are you calling loser?" Sasuke growled regaining his composure.

Naruto made a noise that sounded like a lot of air being blown out of his nostrils, "You of course."

Sasuke was about to thump Naruto when a wall of sand appeared between them.

"Ssh!" Gaara said angrily, "Neji is about to tell me more about my future existence…"

"You're love will have…black hair…" Neji said in a cool voice, "she…"

"Oi Neji! Who do you like?" Lee suddenly shouted excitedly.

"I like no one…" Neji mumbled calmly.

"Ooh yes you do! I think you like Ten Ten don't you!" Lee screamed triumphantly.

"I…" Neji mumbled and turned a funny shade of pink.

"Ten Ten's fit…" Kiba shouted, "I think she'd be number two on my list of hottest girls…"

"In the world of insects…the females are the most important…they are precious and the males work tirelessly to please her…" Shino whispered his mysterious sunglasses reflecting the sun, in a heavenly preacher fashion.

All the guy's stared at Shino, who was letting a caterpillar wriggle across his hand.

"Um…I…" Neji mumbled blushing bright pink now, "…I guess I do like Ten Ten…"

"Wahoo! Go Neji!" Lee squealed, flashing his sparkly teeth and striking that thumbs up pose, he'd learnt off Gai sensei, "That's it! Admit your love to the world!"

Naruto smiled, standing on the bench next to the sulky-faced Sasuke. "SAKURA-CHAN! I LOVE YOU!" he screamed throwing his arms out wide.

"I LOVE SAKURA-CHAN TOO!" Lee screamed, imitating Naruto's actions, except on the swing, which was a little unbalanced, so Lee ended up falling onto the ground.

"Idiots…" Sasuke mumbled.

"I love all women…" Shino said breathlessly, "…But I think I love Hinata the most!…My bugs really really like her…"

"Yeah! I know what you mean Shino!" Kiba called out cheekily, "All women are fine! But I'll give a few extra points to Hinata as well yeah!"

Akamaru barked happily, his tail wagging furiously.

Shikamaru sighed, "Hey Chouji, it's too troublesome so declare mine for me too okay?"

Chouji cleared his throat, "Shikamaru and I love Ino!"

Chouji then glanced uneasily at Gaara, who seemed to be staring dreamily into space, "Shikamaru…um also likes Temari too!"

Gaara looked at Chouji with a massive grin on his face, "I don't know which woman I love yet…but I'll announce that I love her anyway…"

The sand suddenly swirled around Gaara's feet, positioning each grain so that it spelt 'I LOVE YOU' on the ground.

All the guy's stared at Sasuke expectantly.

"Idiots…I already told you…I dislike all women…" Sasuke muttered crossing his arms tightly across his chest.

Kiba suddenly burst out laughing, "Does that mean you like men then!"

Naruto exploded in insane laughter too, "Sasuke's gay!"

"What! No!" Sasuke screamed obviously annoyed, "Idiots! I'M NOT GAY!"

All the other guys couldn't help but laugh and Sasuke was squirming in his seat at the embarrassment he was feeling just then.

"Stop laughing IDIOTS!" Sasuke screamed, but it only made them laugh harder, Shino almost fell out of the tree he was laughing so hard.

"Ha ha this ha is ha ha is ha so ha troublesome!" Shikamaru squealed, clutching his chest.

Lee and Neji's eyes were watering because they were laughing so much and Naruto and Kiba were laughing harder than ever.

"Grr!" Sasuke scowled, thinking of a way to shut them all up.

Chouji was choking on his crisp with laughter and Gaara was biting his lip struggling not to giggle, though his body was already shaking with laughter.

"I DO LIKE GIRLS! I LOVE GIRLS!" Sasuke suddenly screamed, a big vein pulsing at the corner of his head.

All the guys were literally blown away. Everyone who was sitting on a swing was now lying on the floor and Shino had fallen out of the tree and squashed Shikamaru and Chouji.

Naruto, however had been sitting right next to Sasuke and he was now plunging a finger into his ear mumbling, "Sasuke you Idiot I've gone deaf!"

Sasuke grinned victoriously and mumbled, "I told you I wasn't gay."

All of a sudden the ground started shaking and the screaming of some wild animals could be heard.

"Oh no!" Sasuke screamed, as about a hundred fan girls came stampeding towards him.

"SASUKE-KUN! WE LOVE YOU TOO!" They all screamed, amongst them was Sakura and Ino with big hearts in their eyes.

"Damn it! Gettaway!" Sasuke screamed uselessly, running quickly away from the horror, "I'm gay I tell you! I'm gay!"

The guys broke out in laughter as the girls ran past and after a frantically screaming Sasuke, "I'M FREAKING GAY! GETTAWAY FROM ME!"

"Hn…judging by how much he hates girls…he might end up marrying all of them…" Neji mumbled, a giant smirk on his face.

END


End file.
